So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
