hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
