I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
