Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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