i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
