If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
