I could make wine with my vomit
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
