The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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