I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
