Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
