I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
