I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
