Quick, to the slutcave!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
