walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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