ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I deserve this hangover.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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