I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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