we made out on top of his cat.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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