I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
