party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
