Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
