Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
