Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
