If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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