its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
