some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
