I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
