life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
