OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
time to smoke my breakfast
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
