I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
