1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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