You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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