dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
