Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
