At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
