it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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