So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
