I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
