wakey wakey hands off snakey
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
