So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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