I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
