K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
