thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
