Do you still have your period?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
