She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
