Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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