are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
