just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
