I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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