I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
