If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
