Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
