I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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